whats the worst thing you could say to someone?

probably that they're not even human...

Broadside

havent posted for a while...

but i got a bunch of make up work to do. its gonna suck

i will posses your heart.

your what i want, but not what i need
i thought logically about you and it turned you into history
you wanted friendship and i wanted more
i gave you friendship but you took my soul
i once was a risktaker a man of impulses
till i gave you my heart now im having convulsions
i thought about you, yah i thought
about
you
cant we go back to where it used to be
where our hearts were together with no critical thinking
id give anything just to be with you
i know you might be annoyed im just speaking the truth
cant you accept my open hand
im a broken man in the promised land
dont you know that i gave you my love
it was the simple kind, but isn't that enough
i made friends with your friends
you thought our day would end
well we'll always be friends
you know we'll always be friends
i might be an extra small t shirt for you
when your a medium, im saying thats the truth
but i'd rather be too small on someone i love
then fit good on some girl that doesnt hold my love
i'll try to stretch myself just to fit you better
i'll give you the other me the coat for cold weather
i thought about you, yah you know i thought
about
you
you say i should give up on you
that our time is through
what do i do
i take the weight out of this
i try to put it to rest
but i want you to want me
o i wish i will posses your heart

under pressure

its winter. finals are coming. papers are stacking up. work is piling higher. stress is growing. in moments like these i sing out a song I sing out a love song to Jesus In moments like these I lift up my hands I lift up my hands to the Lord

Singing, I love You, Lord
Singing, I love You, Lord
Singing, I love You, Lord
I love You

(bring me back to you Jesus, because i haven't been getting anywhere on my own)

changing of tides

"It is that American spirit - that American promise - that pushes us forward even when the path is uncertain;

"A house divided against itself cannot stand."I believe this government cannot endure, permanently half slave and half free.I do not expect the Union to be dissolved -- I do not expect the house to fall -- but I do expect it will cease to be divided.It will become all one thing or all the other. 

In the worst war in US history James Dunwoody Bulloch Confederate agent and uncle of Theodore Roosevelt covertly bought the Alabama, a commerce raider. She captured or burned 65 Union merchant vessels, and took more than 2,000 prisoners without a single loss of life from either prisoners or her own crew. 

In her last battle, Alabama opened fire first while Kearsarge held her reply until she had closed to less than 1,000 yards (1 km). Steaming on opposite courses, the ships moved around a circle as each commander tried to cross his opponent's bow to deliver deadly raking fire. The battle quickly turned against Alabama, for the quality of her long-stored powder and shell had deteriorated.  One hour after she fired her first salvo, Alabama had been reduced to a sinking wreck.

...that binds us together in spite of our differences; that makes us fix our eye not on what is seen, but what is unseen, that better place around the bend."

Post October Break

why is it that i want so much? my hopes are more than the world. im searching for something ill never get the answers for. im looking for something ill never see, and yet i desire it so much that i continue to pursue it always. its kinda like my goal is so high its almost impossible to reach, and yet i desperately work for it.


sometimes uncertainty, the million possibilities that are left open in my mind are more painful than the actual truth. i was told that i am hated, and because of that, i am grateful. i don't need to wonder about how she feels anymore. i dont need to draw anymore conclusions, or analyze, because she hates me simply because i am the way i am. i wont change. this hurt so much, knowing i was wrong, knowing that i was fooled for a whole year and a half, until i finally figured out the truth. her words were like confetti composed of knives. it was too dangerous, now its time to party with someone else.

time never makes sense to me. it can be so important sometimes, and other times it doesn't matter. like if i had learned the truth earlier on, maybe i would have been less reserved for her. maybe i would have seen something different. i think from the day i met her it was only a matter of time before i had to disappear from her life.

scarred, and shaken up, i swear im doing fine, but people around me can even see that im a mess. the good news is it can get any worse, so it can only get better from here. saviour.

OCTOBER break

i was in dc today showing some friends around the monuments, there was a random businesswoman dressed to kill. she was so fine i almost tripped on the street. ive taken so many risks, throwing my heart out to girls. ive been complaining about it so much. ive busted my butt trying to find that girl. and maybe i should change my approach.

when professors you have known for years pull fast ones on you giving you crappy grades you didn't deserve it makes you question. are they ok? why are grades so byist? what ever happened to justice?

i went for a walk yesterday in the woods by myself. i talked to God. i told him whats up. i put my beliefs in front of him. i think i realized where im at. now im ready to take a step forward. if God is in my heart then my actions should be of God. Asking Jesus inside means more than to just say it out loud or in your mind. its more than going up front at the alter call. it means a devotion, a new focus on Jesus. Everything I absorb into my heart must be from him. when Jesus is every part of my desire, he's in my heart.