why go?

because maybe just maybe, its my destiny, part of my life's story, to serve.

let me ruin this for you

shawn exists. that day in vegas existed. i was about 13. i wasnt thinking these things at the time, of course. though i was thinking something. i was shocked. i saw something, it was almost too much for me to handle. but somehow i became stronger through it. if you would have asked me back then, i would have said. "yea thats crazy! i didnt know he was a fighter". It's a lesson to me that sometimes I can learn something without the ability to fully express it until possibly months or years later.

and i closed with that final sentence fragment for a reason. i wanted you as the reader to experience some of the same offense that set off Shawn making him become violent. Lets be reasonable here. It's not my intention to make you violent. But i want to shock you, maybe offend you, so that you can put yourself into Shawn's shoes, and kind of think about what matters to you. what are you willing to fight for?

For me, I am willing to fight for my family, friends, GOD, music, and myself. The facts are that i sometimes am more willing to fight for myself than all the other subjects i mentioned. this may be normal, but to me it is an example of my selfishness and need to be humbled. God is the reason I am living. Ive had some crazy times with him, and it shows that nothing can separate us. My friends are not always there for me, but they are there most of the time. i do appreciate their wisdom, and we always seem to have a lot of fun. My family, we are very random, and though sometimes I feel out of place, they seem to accept me, and they are always there. Theres a whole lot of love in my family, sometimes we don't show it straight up, but its there.

"reveal yourself to me"

one day i noticed this kid cursing in a rage, held back from beating another kid up. "Apologize!, you have to apologize or you'll get a fist in your teeth" "I'm serious bro, thats #$%@ed up" at this moment in time the young kid i once knew to be a super funny/chill guy with a few skate tricks in the bag, became the personification of law enforcement. If you would have asked the kids that were holding him back, they would have agreed with Shawn, they saw what the other little guy said was pretty messed up, but they all seemed to agree that violence wasn't the answer.

Its funny how a space in time designed to be a place of utter anarchy, a place of freedom, and hope, that everything was messed up, but there was some form of structure . We had our thrills skating up a storm, making fun of each other, 13 year olds smoking who knows what, the occasional pros coming through to film, parents picking their kids up and cursing, and the bird was a common expression of hello or goodbye, smashing of glass,and broken legs and ankles, but there was a sense of belonging, this was our community.

some people apologize because it is fished for, its a great way to feel phony. They see the effects it does for the other person, then they just give in to extinguish the situation. Its in those moments when no thoughts are made, just do, what a way to live life, im sure its so very fulfilling.

As for Shawn, maybe he struggled free and got a few punches in, its not really important. But maybe we all grew up. Maybe Shawn works as a computer systems administrator for a corporation in LA. If i could just ask him one thing, I wouldn't ask him about those days, i wouldn't ask him about his new job. I would ask him about his brother, the one he was sticking up for that hot day in Las Vegas at the skate park. The one that was called once called a nigger.