changing of tides

"It is that American spirit - that American promise - that pushes us forward even when the path is uncertain;

"A house divided against itself cannot stand."I believe this government cannot endure, permanently half slave and half free.I do not expect the Union to be dissolved -- I do not expect the house to fall -- but I do expect it will cease to be divided.It will become all one thing or all the other. 

In the worst war in US history James Dunwoody Bulloch Confederate agent and uncle of Theodore Roosevelt covertly bought the Alabama, a commerce raider. She captured or burned 65 Union merchant vessels, and took more than 2,000 prisoners without a single loss of life from either prisoners or her own crew. 

In her last battle, Alabama opened fire first while Kearsarge held her reply until she had closed to less than 1,000 yards (1 km). Steaming on opposite courses, the ships moved around a circle as each commander tried to cross his opponent's bow to deliver deadly raking fire. The battle quickly turned against Alabama, for the quality of her long-stored powder and shell had deteriorated.  One hour after she fired her first salvo, Alabama had been reduced to a sinking wreck.

...that binds us together in spite of our differences; that makes us fix our eye not on what is seen, but what is unseen, that better place around the bend."

Post October Break

why is it that i want so much? my hopes are more than the world. im searching for something ill never get the answers for. im looking for something ill never see, and yet i desire it so much that i continue to pursue it always. its kinda like my goal is so high its almost impossible to reach, and yet i desperately work for it.


sometimes uncertainty, the million possibilities that are left open in my mind are more painful than the actual truth. i was told that i am hated, and because of that, i am grateful. i don't need to wonder about how she feels anymore. i dont need to draw anymore conclusions, or analyze, because she hates me simply because i am the way i am. i wont change. this hurt so much, knowing i was wrong, knowing that i was fooled for a whole year and a half, until i finally figured out the truth. her words were like confetti composed of knives. it was too dangerous, now its time to party with someone else.

time never makes sense to me. it can be so important sometimes, and other times it doesn't matter. like if i had learned the truth earlier on, maybe i would have been less reserved for her. maybe i would have seen something different. i think from the day i met her it was only a matter of time before i had to disappear from her life.

scarred, and shaken up, i swear im doing fine, but people around me can even see that im a mess. the good news is it can get any worse, so it can only get better from here. saviour.