Where am I?

Pray without ceasing.

I think it goes back to the heart of worship/living sacrifice thing. If we are living our lives for God, how can we live for him without communicating with him? I think we're supposed to always be talking to God, every second of the day. Worship is sometimes prayer.

Alright today I was listening to Delirious Did you feel the mountains tremble live in my car. I really started to feel God's love, and all of the sudden I got the chills. Normally they go away in a few seconds. But I didn't let it. I held onto God's blessings and focused completely on him. I was praying, whispering "Thank You God, Thank you God" It was a real spiritual experience.

I don't feel like God has told me "Jake, Get off your butt and be a missionary" I don't really know exactly how God works with his calling. I do know that somehow, my mind became real open to the possibility of going this year. Maybe its God thats impressing me to go. Maybe God is helping me to see it as an option. I really don't know how this stuff works. All I know is that I'm getting excited. Really excited.

I know its not going to be comfortable, and thats what I want. I want to go and make a change and grow. I want to become a Man of God, the man God designed me to be. I want God to be in every decision I make. I want to be on the alter as a living sacrifice. Constantly Worshiping our Savior who is worthy of all praise.

Is this the end?

Today was the last pub tools class. Its sorta been hitting me that the school-year is done, but I know I won't feel the full force of it until summertime. I've met a lot of awesome people, I played quite a bit for worships, and I had tons of fun. I have one final today and then two on Wednesday. My parents come on Thursday night.

Its crazy how fast this stuff goes.

Where is my heart?

I can't really date for a year. Its part of the student missionary policy. It makes sense. But I'm doing it for my own reasons, not just to conform. I give my heart away to much to girls. I've been carelessly throwing it around to the nearest and most available girl that catches my attention. Where does God fit in this picture? So instead of giving my heart out to them, I'm giving it to God. He deserves it and so much more from me.

why go?

i've been thinking about missions. i've heard the SM's tell their stories, I've heard sermons about it, and seen movies about it. it seems like a good idea to go with a cause and fight for it, to fight on the front lines for Christ. But where does this apply to me? Whats my cause? Why am I going?

I have always felt like it was a good idea for certain people at a certain time of their life. I know that I have been hearing about it for a while, but whats intriguing is that its been sticking recently. I have heard their stories before, but I felt that it never really applied to me at where I was at. It almost was like "Hey thats cool" then I would move on. But, now these thoughts about mission have penetrated my mind and soul. I really started to pay attention to it, and the possibility of going just fuels my fire to go. I can't stop thinking about it, talking about it, and praying about it. I'm starting to feel like its not just a dream, but maybe just maybe its a reality.

My cause is to draw near to God, and live a life of Worship, offering myself as a living sacrifice to the Lord. I want to do this, because God has promised that he will draw near to us, if we draw near to him. I want to live a life of Worship, because its just not enough to have a worship in the morning, or sing songs for worship. God deserves our lives, and I want to live my life for him.

Why do you need to go to fight for your cause? To answer shortly I don't need to. But I want to. I think it will build me up, and I will grow much more then I would here. I need to get out of my comfort zone, and push myself for the Lord. I want to let him use me.

This started applying to me personally recently, I started paying attention, absorbing everything there was about this. My cause is to draw near to God, and live a life of Worship. I want to go to get out of my comfort zone.

pohnpei?

im thinking about this pohnpei business, and im thinking about why i want to go. heres some pro's and con's: and feel free to add some more to help me out.

pros:
growing experience
surfing
learn about a different culture
finding myself
teaching would give experience in fatherhood
no schoolwork
finding God again


cons:
homesickness
no psychiatrists
no schoolwork
not much food
more freshmans when i come back
miss out on new york trip
possibly not finding God