On "I Remember it"

after the most depressing moments of my life there was a stage that was worse then all those lows combined. getting back on track. now i dont know much about depression, i just know i was comfortable. in my shame and brokeness i was fine. i couldnt really talk much about anything or function 100 percent, but i was cool with where i was at. ill admit at certain points i just couldnt bear not being able to be a social person, but for the most part i had accepted it as part of me. after senior year of highschool my parents and family were determined to find an answer and a solution, so i could be normal again.

at first i was fine with all the help they were giving. i went to psychiatrists and psychologist, got the same answer every time "your bi-polar" I wasn't really aware of what was going on and how the doctors were getting chosen. I just was dragged along. I had already come to terms that i wasn't normal i was bi-polar, because i saw it all throughout highschool. It wasn't a shock at all. We went to this guy Dr. Brain, ill be honest he's pretty awesome, hes got an accent from new zealand or australia or something i dont really know which one. but what was really impressive was that he ask me questions about how i was doing and such and he would write down my full and entire answer. I really got too excited about this, cause i would sometimes go on and on just to see if he would write it down. i would just bs sometimes too. pretty funny.

After being on the medication for a while i started to feel indifferent. it was weird. it felt like i had no emotion. in fact i realized that the only reason why i was going to these shrink sessions and taking the pills, is cause i wanted to get the heck outta maryland. i hated it (no offence). i started trying to get off the pills taking a lower dose. My best friend dennis, he thought i should have stayed on the same amount. He saw i was sick. I thought i would rather be sick, than an apathetic retard.

so im still on the medication, (a low dose) but i do remember this stage in life like it was yesterday. i remember it so well. it was super interesting. its a miracle i graduated from highschool. but yah i do remember the doctors saying i was messed up, my mom repeadedly saying i had delusions. once she said i had delusions of granduer, that really pissed me off, but then about 5 months later i was reading this bipolar book in our bookcase and it had that phrase in there so i thought that was pretty funny. i guess my point is that today, ive fallen short of perfection, and i will always. but i do remember getting well, and that was worse than anything, but its good i went through that, cause im a whole lot better.