oh gladness.

maybe its good that i havent documented anything for a while. its been a heavy few months.
alot has happened, kind of an uncontrollable storm. tiny vessels getting tossed in the weather.

i was one of them i experienced all of it. as distant as i could be, there was still and intensity and a chaotic love that i couldnt get away from. i was never alone. i found the other tiny vessel that brought me closer to the ocean. it was like i had been living sustainable and responsibly on my own in the mainland and suddenly out of nowhere she brought me out to the water and the waves consumed us. the sky falling and breaking, the waves crashing on us, the wind chap, the spray in our eyes.

it had been a little over a month and the storm was still full. i wanted to stay near her so much that i called to anchor next to her. it was still rough water waves everywhere. i tossed to her from the vault important equipment in trust that when she left she would come back when the storm was over. so much permanence was made, i raised her flag. her destination was the next continent. she had to go while the wind was still strong. we said our goodbyes.

through mail and other means we kept in touch. though we vessels were far, our flags were the same. the water began to calm, and the storm began to leave. with the storm gone, so left those moments. i lowered her flag. she found out, was confused. alot of time had passed. i made a few trips to different places, saw alot. i

thought about the storm and all that had happened.
I wanted to know if all of the storm and equipment i had given her had been used well, and if it was worth it to ride the storm together. i wanted to see where the other tiny vessel had gone to, and if she would ever be in a port near mine (not because i wanted to port next to her). i wanted to see if she was doing well. what is it that made us sail during a dangerous storm? we could have been shipwrecked, and died in there.. Am I going to ever want the equipment back that I gave her? Was it all worth it?

Well while i was near her port i stopped by to find out the answers. I felt it was enough time and the storm was far enough away that it would be safe to find out. I made the signal, she didnt see me. I had heard through an ally ship, that she had dumped my gear overboard. along with my flag. i found out that she had happened to be near me during that storm because another ship in her fleet had abandoned her right before i was there. It made me feel like it wasnt any sort of undeniable love like i had thought. because she happened to move to a new fleet, it made me realize that everything was gone. Im still trying to sort it all out. though alot was lost, but alot was also gained. my crew gained experience and if another wind turns black, i would feel less like everyone would die. (not that i want to be in that situation again anytime soon)